When I was married, I was very concerned about my body. I was obsessed with maintaining a size 12, or staying close to it. Then, about three years ago, I got separated and I gained a bunch of weight. At first I didn’t even realize I was putting it on. I was working out, but it just kept happening. In total, I ended up gaining about 60 pounds. I became a size 16, which I still am, and a surprising thing happened—I really loved my body.

At first I felt vulnerable. Especially when I started dating. I’d been out of the game for a long time and I just kept thinking, “nobody is ever going to love me ever again.” But I forced myself to do it, and I remember meeting this one guy for a drink. We went to a bar and I only stayed for a half hour or so, but I’ll never forget him telling me how beautiful I was. It was like he couldn’t get over me. Now, I don’t think that your self-worth should come from men whatsoever, but this was an area of my life where I didn’t have much confidence. And to all of a sudden have that outward validation pushed me to think, “Oh, maybe I am good looking.”

So I started wearing clothes that I never felt comfortable enough to wear, like jean shorts. I never would’ve worn them before because I would’ve thought, “I look stupid,” or “I can’t pull them off.” Flash forward, and I’m literally wearing black jean shorts with a button down shirt tucked into them right now—and I look awesome. When I was married I don’t think I would’ve worn any of the things I do now, or at least with the same confidence, even though I was two sizes smaller then.

I channeled this love for my new look into The 12ish Style, my blog that’s all about being chic at any size. I’d launched it while I was still married, but I wasn’t really taking it seriously. Then as soon as I got divorced I had nothing but this panic energy, where I was waking up at 4:30 or 5 every morning ready to go. So I was like “we need to put some real work into this.” I signed a manager, an agent, I started writing more, and hired a real photographer.

Around this time former Real Housewives star Carole Radziwill, who lost her husband at a young age, said something to me at a Christmas party that always stuck with me. She told me, “ride the horse in the direction that it’s going.” To me it meant, you can find strength in these moments where you think your life is over. You can’t change what has happened to you, so just go where the energy is good.

So The 12ish became my escape. I put everything into it. I took all the pain, anxiety, and uncertainty and pushed it toward something I felt passionate about. It blew up really fast and each day I’d talk to women on the platform who had changed their opinion about themselves because of it. They’d tell me stories about learning to love their bodies in a bathing suit, or just finally being able to accept themselves. It felt amazing and I really credit it with helping me get through my divorce. It wasn’t that I was specifically addressing relationships or my marriage on there, but to just suddenly have such a positive online community felt fucking amazing.

It was like all of a sudden I hit a point where I just stopped caring so much. During my marriage I spent so much time worrying about everything, but then the relationship ended, and it didn’t matter. My fear of having something to lose was gone, and I kind of said, “fuck it.” I was gonna wear jean shorts if I wanted to, embrace my body, and open myself up to men who thought I was beautiful.

Now, when I look back at pictures of myself from five years ago I don’t think “I look so skinny,” or “I look so young.” I think, I look so unhappy. I look at my eyes and smile and everything feels strained and forced. When I see a picture of myself now I look at such a joyful person, and falling in love with my body gave me that happiness.

For me, if I can inspire one woman or one man who has gained weight during their divorce to look at themselves and think, “this will not make me hate my body,” then it will all have been worth it. I want people to know, this isn’t your body’s fault, and it’s not because you’re not in shape. We’re so quick to blame our bodies or our physical appearance, instead of celebrating ourselves in all forms.

And one day maybe I’ll lose the weight, or maybe I won’t. If I ever did, it wouldn’t be because I don’t like the way I look, it would only be if the doctors told me some shit in my body is breaking down. Then ok, I got it, cool. But aesthetically and image-wise? I’ve never felt better.

Katie Sturino is the founder of The 12ish Style and the beauty brand, Megababe.