After three years of tumultuous drama on every iteration of The Bachelor franchise, Ashley Iaconetti and Jared Haibon are finally dating. It took approximately 50 gallons of tears to get us to this point, but we’re here. And it feels…I don’t know…right?

Naturally, Iaconetti and Haibon celebrated the kickoff to their relationship in the most Bachelor way possible: with a 44-minute video explaining, in excruciating detail, the story behind their relationship. It’s the latest installment of Iaconetti’s video series called The Story of Us, and, well, it’s exactly what you’d expect.

Tears, emojis, the use of the phrase, “Can I borrow you for a sec?”—this video is everything Ashley and Jared shippers could want and more. If you want to watch it, check it out, below. If you don’t, these 47 thoughts I have about it sum everything up pretty well.

1. I honestly can’t with Jared’s facial hair in this interview.

2. “Yeah, he’s cute” – Ashley’s reaction when she saw two episodes of Jared on The Bachelorette. That’s, like, the chillest thing she’s ever said about him.

3. “It was truly love at first sight” – Ashley, on seeing Jared on Bachelor in Paradise. If I was on a free vacation, though, I’d fall in love with the first person I saw, too.

4. “I remember seeing you get out of the limo and thinking you were hot.” – Jared, being a typical douche.

5. Why didn’t Jared brush his hair for this interview?

6. The way they’re talking about seeing each other for the first time legit sounds like animals mating in a forest.

7. Alright, this whole bit of Jared talking about how he’s only been with “shy,” “soft-spoken,” and “feminine” women is cringe-y. “I’m not, like, very well-composed.” – Ashley. Girl, same.

8. Drink every time Jared kisses Ashley’s hand.

9. “We just rambled on.” – Jared, on the first 10 minutes of this video. Also the vibe of the other 34 minutes of this video. This is just…44 minutes…of them…talking about…themselves.

10. Does Ashley attend Hanson concerts…every year? Does Hanson go on tour ever year?

11 Jared’s favorite superhero would be Superman.

12. They’re talking about hickies now. OMG. They’re adults!

13. Yup, of course Jared looked like a bum for his first romantic date with Ashley, and she dressed to the nines.

14. Jared’s jaw could cut a pineapple.

15. I need to see this alleged “Backstreet Boys” video Jared made for Ashley’s birthday.

16. Honestly I’m starting to think Bachelor in Paradise was less about Ashley being “crazy” and more about Jared being a gaslighter!

17. Oh, wow, now they’re getting deep and talking about “shame.” Go back to making jokes about Hanson, please!

18. Oof, all this talk about anger and resentment. What Is. Happening?

19. First tears, 23 minutes in!

20. Oh wow, lots of tears. From both of them! Reality TV dramaaaaa.

21. Jared still having residual tears while talking about Bachelor Winter Games is accidentally hysterical.

22. They keep distinguishing between “real life” and their time on The Bachelor franchise, as if we all don’t know it’s heavily produced.

23. They’re really deciphering their emoji usage right now. I need nine glasses of wine immediately.

24. Jared, Bachelor Winter Games was a kick in the ass for all of us.

25 Annnnd more tears.

26. I want to wear Ashley’s hoop earrings.

27. “Tanner loves the theatrics of everything.” In other news, Tanner and I are twins.

28. If Tanner is this couple’s fairy godfather, I want to be the fairy godmother.

29. I still can’t get over the fact these people are real.

30. Who knew the trainwreck that was Bachelor Winter Games would be the catalyst for this relationship?

31. This video is 44 straight minutes of hot people problems.

32. Jared actually said, “Can I borrow you for a sec?” before kissing Ashley and implying that he wanted to be with her. ABC’s impact!

33. And Ashley was like, “K, thanks, but I’m still going to hang out with the dude from Bachelor Winter Games.” Queen.

34. Of course, though, she dumped Winter Games guy for Jared Patchy Beard Haibon!

35. Ashley just compared Jared to a volcano ready to burst. They’re so deep! We love metaphors.

36. She’s crying over Jared’s white fluffy dog card. I feel seen.

37. Ugh, Jared, we don’t need you to read the literal novel you wrote to Ashley to win her back.

38. Jared, reading his letter: “I love watching football with you, even though the Giants suck!” Ashley: (Giggles). This is some heterosexual nonsense.

39. This all, quite frankly, is some heterosexual nonsense.

40. But I’m crying and love it so let me live.

41. Oh my Gosh. Now they’re bragging about how cute their own love story is.

42. Ashley: “So many people are like, ‘They live in their own little romantic comedy world,’ and it’s, like, but look.” Jared: “Yeah! Yeah we do. We’re pretty happy.” Ashley: “Chick flicks are real. They are! They’re adult fairytales, and they do come true.” I just…I just don’t even know what to say about this.

43. Whatever, that’s a cute quote. But all I want to do now is sing “Miracles Happen” from The Princess Diaries.

44. But, really, Jared. Shave the facial hair. Just shave it all. Cut the chord!

45. Can’t wait for The Bachelorette now.

Related Stories:

Bachelor Fans Are Losing It Over Ashley Iaconetti and Jared Haibon’s Unexpected Love Story

Ashley I. and Jade Reveal Everything We’ve Wanted to Know About Bachelor in Paradise

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