Marchesa designer Georgina Chapman is speaking publicly about her soon-to-be-ex-husband Harvey Weinstein for the first time since the New York Times and the New Yorker published stories detailing accusations of harassment and assault against the movie mogul last fall. She released a short statement in October about her decision to leave her husband. “My heart breaks for all the women who have suffered tremendous pain because of these unforgivable actions. I have chosen to leave my husband,” Chapman said. “Caring for my young children is my first priority, and I ask the media for privacy at this time.”

Now she’s opening up to Vogue about the months since and why she’s maintained an incredibly low profile. “I was so humiliated and so broken . . . that . . . I, I, I . . . didn’t think it was respectful to go out,” she says. “I thought, Who am I to be parading around with all of this going on? It’s still so very, very raw. I was walking up the stairs the other day and I stopped; it was like all the air had been punched out of my lungs.”

Though Chapman (and business partner Keren Craig) have continued to run their fashion line, Marchesa, they did choose to cancel the runway show for the Fall 2018 collection which raised some eyebrows about the brand’s future.”We didn’t feel it was appropriate given the situation,” she says. “All the women who have been hurt deserve dignity and respect, so I want to give it the time it deserves. It’s a time for mourning, really.” (The line returned to the red carpet at Monday’s Met Ball when it was worn by Scarlett Johansson.)

Chapman maintains that she knew nothing of Weinstein’s behavior and was never suspicious. “That’s what makes this so incredibly painful: I had what I thought was a very happy marriage,” she says. “I loved my life.” But soon after the stories were published, she made the decision to leave. “It was difficult because the first article was about a time long before I’d ever met him, so there was a minute where I couldn’t make an informed decision. And then the stories expanded and I realized that this wasn’t an isolated incident. And I knew that I needed to step away and take the kids out of here.” When asked about Weinstein’s current state of mind, Chapman replies, “Clearly when I was married to him I didn’t know anything about his state of mind, so I’m probably not the best person to ask.”

The designer’s concern for the two young children she shares with Weinstein is clear in the interview and she becomes visibly upset speaking about them. “There was a part of me that was terribly naive—clearly, so naive. I have moments of rage, I have moments of confusion, I have moments of disbelief! And I have moments when I just cry for my children. What are their lives going to be? What are people going to say to them? It’s like, they love their dad. They love him. I just can’t bear it for them!”

In the end, Chapman doesn’t seem to be asking for anyone’s pity though. “I don’t want to be viewed as a victim,” she says, “because I don’t think I am. I am a woman in a shit situation, but it’s not unique.”

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