My Boyfriend's Porn Habit Is Making Me Feel Insecure
Dear Emily,
I’m very educated about sexual health and open-minded sexually, but I have a hard time accepting my boyfriend’s porn habit. We have a great sex life and try new things, but he still watches porn. I can’t help wondering…aren’t I enough?
I’ve seen porn before, and I know most guys watch it, but I can’t help feeling a little insecure. Is he comparing me to these women? Is that how he wants me to act? It isn’t fair for me to ask him to stop, so how can I get used to it?
Please help!
Janine, 27, Iowa
Dear Janine,
It’s totally common to react to your partner’s porn habits with some insecurity. The good news is, your boyfriend’s porn consumption has nothing to do with his attraction to you or his feelings towards you.
Chances are, your man has been masturbating to porn for quite awhile, and the reason he’s watching isn’t because you don’t turn him on. Masturbation is a natural, healthy practice for men and women—regardless of their relationship status or sexual behavior IRL—and since men are more easily turned on by visual stimuli and variety, porn becomes the perfect avenue.
I love the fact that you are enjoying a great sex life with him, and I don’t expect you to immediately drop your insecurity with his porn preferences. Remember, it’s completely normal to feel that way. But, instead of seeing his porn consumption as competition, use it as a way to enhance your sex life.
Make his solo habit into a joint affair by watching porn together. Find something you both enjoy, and see how turned on you get. Porn might even turn from a problem to your favorite foreplay!
Not to mention, porn is the perfect icebreaker to bring up new things you want to try in bed. Does he want to tie you up? Do you want him to talk dirty? Maybe there’s a role-play scenario that really gets you both going. Putting your desires out on the table can help both of you have the sex you want and maybe make a few fantasies come true—something a pornstar could never do.
XX,
Emily
More from Glamour:
—Free Porn Is Probably Not Feminist Porn—No Matter What It Looks Like
—11 Women Reveal Their Porn Preferences