When I received an email from the sex toy brand Jimmyjane about a new set of vibrators called “love pods,” my first thought was that they looked like beautiful little lily pads. My second thought was, “WTF do you do with these?”

There are three versions of the toy: the $109 OM, a pointed purple ball with crevices meant to emulate fingers for “a naturally pleasing intimate experience;” the $129 pink Coral, a ball with deeper crevices and two motors that alternate for what are somewhat vexingly called “magical, immortal orgasms;” and the $149 fuchsia Halo, which has three heads that fit around the clitoris or nipple to encircle it with vibrations.

But outside of their appearance, those descriptions didn’t provide much information about what these sex toys actually feel like. What was the point of mimicking flat fingers that can’t even reach out to touch you? And what the heck is an immortal orgasm?! (Sounds exhausting.)

“‘Immortal orgasms’ is not a technical term,” a Jimmyjane rep explained. “The Love Pods are each based on Greek goddesses and symbols of feminine desire: Aphrodite, the Lotus Flower, and the Shell of Venus, as expressed on the packaging.” Well, OK then!

PHOTO: Jimmyjane

Coral

I started off with the Coral. The vibration traveling from one side to the other was an interesting sensation in my hands, but when I put it between my legs, I kept losing stimulation on each side every few seconds. I turned it to the steady vibration setting and was able to orgasm within a few minutes, but not without enlisting the help of my other hand—something that, IMHO, shouldn’t be necessary if you’re using a good vibrator. The crevices made the sensation more concentrated on specific parts of my vulva, rather than consistent throughout. And since the toy is hard and unbendable, I couldn’t do much to change that. As result, my experience was fairly lackluster.

A few days later, I moved on to the OM. I had even less luck with that one: The vibrations felt good, but they weren’t powerful enough for my liking. While the crevices provided something a little new, they didn’t add much to the pleasure.

Orgasm-less, I moved on to the Halo—the most hyped-up of the three. I first tried it on my nipple, and it did create a nice subtle, tingly sensation there. But what I was really after was clitoral stimulation. I placed the three motors around my clit, and again, it was something different: I felt vibrations around the sides instead of just the top. Still, it wasn’t making enough direct contact with the clit to get me off, it was just grazing the sides.

PHOTO: Jimmyjane

Om

Feeling like I had to find some obvious use for this toy, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to try putting it over his penis. Same thing for him: The sensation was nice but not particularly intense. “I guess I could put it on my balls,” he said.

“Yeah, I guess you could put these in a lot of places,” I replied. You could just roll them over your body if you wanted to. But why would you when you could use a toy that’ll move air around your clitoris or oscillate over it instead of just lightly rumbling around it?

It’s entirely possible that my body just isn’t built for this kind of toy. I don’t generally get turned on by touch outside my genital area, and when it comes to that region, I prefer stimulation firmly and directly on the clitoris. But some people may be different: The Jimmyjane rep told me the company designed the Coral because some women like stimulation around the clit rather than on it. I just don’t happen to be one of them.

PHOTO: Jimmyjane

Halo

So my first reaction still stands. These are beautiful toys—like lovely lily pads—and they could even go on top of your bedside table instead of inside the drawer. They could also glide over any part of your body as part of a foreplay massage, especially if you’re looking for an interesting tingling sensation.

But if what I’m looking for is an orgasm, I’m more likely to turn to the plenty of other effective options that don’t cost over $100. To each their own.

More:

—This Extra Powerful Suction Vibrator Is Scary Good

—I Masturbated With a Crystal Dildo and Turned Into a Believer

—I Tried the Teddy Bear Vibrator and Let’s Just Say It’s Not for Everyone

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