Then we asked, “Who have we actually spent time with in the last year?”

Which then became, “Who have we actually spent time with in the last six months?”

And finally, “Who do we think is going to play a part in our future together?” We want to know that everyone we’re inviting will be a part of our lives after we’re married, too.

That helped us narrow our guest list down a lot. Because at first, Beau and I did disagree about it. While I prefer to surround myself with a smaller group of friends, he’s the guy with a million friends and acquaintances. Needless to say, there were a lot of people he wanted to include. But that shifted once we got into the wedding budget. When he saw how expensive each person is and how everything adds up, Beau was very quick to start shortening the list. I’m always like, “Is this person worth a designer handbag?” And he’ll say, “Yeah, let’s cut the list.”

It also helps that we’re paying for the wedding ourselves, so our families have zero freaking say. We’re taking care of it, so we’re the bosses, and it is what it is. They’ve made suggestions, of course, and we’ve just thrown them out the window. No, your work friend’s aunt is not invited. Sorry. No one’s daring to ask anymore.

At this point, the most stressful thing is actually all the speculation about whether or not [my Vanderpump Rules’ castmate] Kristen Doute will be invited. The headlines and comments on my Instagram do upset me at times. People will say, “You’re a really bad friend, and I hope you invite Kristen.” Or ask, “Are you just holding this over her head?” No, I’m not holding an invitation over anyone’s head. It’s already hard enough making a guest list in private, but to have it public with so many opinions from strangers takes a toll emotionally.

The truth is, I just don’t know yet, but my heart wants Kristen there. I am praying and hoping that we get to a good place where we understand each other. But I have no idea how this year will go. I have no idea if we’ll be getting along. I have no idea where our relationship will be. We might end up watching this season of Vanderpump Rules and be even more angry with each other. And why would I invite someone who’s angry with me to one of the most important days of my life?

I’m trying to figure it out, but it doesn’t help that it’s all anyone wants to talk about with me. Just because someone’s on my cast doesn’t mean they’re automatically invited. My friends are obviously coming, but James Kennedy and I don’t have a relationship. We’ve never been friends. We’ve never even sat and had a conversation together. So he’s not invited. It’s nothing against him, he just isn’t in our lives. I wouldn’t expect to be invited to his wedding. It is what it is.

But you never know—the guest list is still in flux. I feel like I’ll constantly be reworking it up until the day of the wedding. Is that a thing? Can you send last minute invites?

Honestly, I shouldn’t be writing an advice column on this topic because clearly I’m the one who needs help. It’s stressful to examine each person in your life and how they make you feel. I can’t invite people just because they’re expecting it or around my group of friends a lot. I’m really trying to focus on the fact that this is about me and Beau and good energy. If you have even a hint of negative energy, you’re not coming. So namaste, bitches.

Stassi Schroeder is an author and reality-TV personality. Follow her on Twitter @stassi. Her book Next Level Basic: The Definitive Basic Bitch Handbook is now available.

Hear more from Stassi on Glamour’s What I Wore When podcast.

Photographer: Nyra Lang; fashion editor: Shilpa Prabhakar Nadella; hair: Leon Gorman; makeup: Stephanie Peterson

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