I told myself I would not buy the unicorn vibrator. For one, I had plenty of sex toys at home, and I didn’t need another one. For another, it was pretty silly-looking. I was at my local Babeland, sex toy shopping with my best friends, when I first spotted the Tokidoki Unicorn Wand, made in collaboration with pleasure company Lovehoney. Though tempted, I walked out of the store with $119 still sitting responsibly in my bank account.

But back home, I laid in my bed alone, horny, and somewhat stoned. “You will never regret spending money on a magic unicorn that gives you orgasms,” the evil part of my brain whispered. So I ordered the unicorn, curious as to whether using it would be as enthralling to me as looking at it was. Unfortunately, what I got was a beautiful creature who offered more in appearance than in function.

The unicorn arrived at my door in its shiny box, ready to be used. Like the classic Magic Wand vibrator, it needs to be plugged into a wall. At first, I took this to mean that the vibrator was antiquated. However, given how lazy I can be about charging my USB vibrators, I realized I can actually appreciate this quality. Sure, it may be clunky, but my unicorn will never tucker out on me. And it’s so pretty, I often leave it out after use, rather than tucking it away in a dresser. This unicorn likes to run free.

Unicorns and sex have gone together before. Where preferences are concerned, the term “unicorn” is both infamously distinct and potentially problematic. It usually refers to a female third in threesomes who is, often, able to swoop in and out of the couple’s relationship emotionlessly while causing absolutely no relationship problems or vocalizing any emotional or sexual desires of her own. She is good in bed and hot, but not, like, good enough and hot enough to break up any happy homes, almost like a robot. Threesomes with people can be emotionally messy, but the Tokidoki Unicorn is just a vibrator. It won’t be mad if you ignore it after you’re done playing.

Most wands have a smooth, vibrating head that makes it easy to place on a clit. But between this unicorn’s pointy horn and its lavish mane, there’s just too much going on. Finding the best clitoral placement can be awkward. As a result, the unicorn works best as a once-in-awhile experience. It’s beautiful to look at and is there when you want to spice things up (or when the battery is empty on the rest of all your vibrators), but I do not recommend purchasing it as your first foray into the wonderful world of wands vibrators. Buy an original Magic Wand, just for the sake of owning one. If you tend to get chilly, the Doc Johnson warming wand is one of my favorites.

As much as I want to look at it all the time, the unicorn is too complicated to be my main squeeze. Don’t buy it because you think it’s going to give you the best orgasm, but if you have $119 lying around and are as enamored with this cutie as I was, buy the unicorn for the sake of novelty. Sometimes it’s just nice to have pretty things.

Tokidoki Unicorn Wand, $119, available here

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