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Hi Emily!

I have an extremely healthy (and safe) sex life with my boyfriend—but here’s my issue. I have no idea how to talk dirty. Normally I’d say how great he feels inside of me, tell him to put his hands here or there, but I get stuck after this. I don’t want to sound like a porn star, but I do want him to be turned on from what I say.

What can I say besides this to turn him on that isn’t too intense?

Marci, 27

Marci,

The good news is you already seem to be over that awkward slump of initiating some dirty conversation, and that’s half the battle! While there’s nothing wrong with what you’re saying now, I get that you want to expand your dirty talk repertoire without coming off as some wanna-be porn star.

Here are some tips for finding the perfect balance between sexy and distasteful when it comes to your dirty talk:

Do relax: Your partner already enjoys having sex with you so, take comfort in that realization, and it’ll be easier to let go of your inhibitions. Don’t worry too much about how you sound or what you say at the beginning— the fact that you’re trying is already turning him on.

Don’t force it: To sound more natural, focus on something that’s happening in the moment. Instead of saying “this feels good,” expand on that– the more details the better.

Don’t focus on what you think he wants to hear: Develop your own script, and don’t feel like you have to sound super freaky for it to work.

Do practice before you start: Texting or talking to your guy ahead of time is a perfect way to set yourself up for some great dirty talk—and it doesn’t have to be dramatic to have the right effect. You can even even practice on your commute home from work or in front of the mirror. Practice what you want to say and how you’re going to say it. (The lower and breathier your voice is, the better!)

Don’t be afraid to ask questions: Asking things like, “What do you want me to do?” or “What would turn you on right now?” can be great for turning your dirty talk monologue into a dialogue. This way, all the sexiness doesn’t have to fall on you!

With these tips, you’ll be a dirty talk dynamo before you know it!

XX
Emily

Emily Morse is a doctor of human sexuality and host of the top-rated iTunes podcast Sex With Emily. As an expert, author, and star of television and radio programs, she has inspired millions of listeners and followers to make sex a priority, enhance communication, and strengthen their relationships. To learn more or to subscribe to her podcast, visit sexwithemily.com.