My sister warned me long ago that weddings stop being fun in your 30’s if you’re a single woman. I didn’t think this would apply to me, as I’ve never fantasized about wedding dresses or being a princess bride. In fact, I never thought I’d get married at all. And yet, no matter how happy I am in my life with my career, friends, and endless adventures, I still find myself crying unnecessarily in bathroom stalls at weddings or getting overly defensive when yet another relative or “concerned” friend asks me why I’m not married yet.

Why am I the only person okay with me being single? Probably because getting married is what women are supposed to do—I’m either willfully breaking these all-important rules society has forced onto us or (gasp!) nobody actually wants me. I know the latter is bullshit, though it feels true at weddings for some reason. The truth is, I could easily get married if I really wanted just any shmuck. But I am instead—buckle up—choosing to stay single because it turns out a woman can be happy without a man. Revolutionary idea, right?

The fact is, I’m actually quite open to having a partner and even like being in a relationship, so long as it’s a good one. But even then, people love to pester me about wedding bells as if the trajectories of my relationships are any of their damn business. As we’re finally starting to acknowledge, hetrosexual marriages are often a bad deal for women. That’s not to say getting married can’t be a wonderful thing—but only when it’s to a partner who shows you love, respect, and willingness to share trash duty. In my experience, there are a million reasons to stay single and only one not to: You find a partner who is an equal, not a needy man-baby.

So, if you’re single like me, it’s probably not because you’re a loser but because you know that there are plenty of ways to be happy and fulfilled without a wedding. To shut the judgmental if unintentional haters up, here are some good comebacks when they ask, “So, when are you getting married?”