Your first crush is a rite of passage. The fixations that follow it are just life. Nervous, awkward, sublime. Disastrous. Transcendent. Here, we celebrate infatuations, obsessions, and passions in all their exquisite splendor. Meet our “It’s Just a Little Crush” series. Isn’t she divine?

Since reality TV’s earliest days, countless shows about dating have entered our zeitgeist and stayed in our queues. The Bachelor. Love Island. Dating Naked. Are You the One? Joe Millionaire. I Love New York. The Dating Game. They span networks, platforms, casts, conceits, but they all share one central mission: finding love. (Or at very least, lust.) Why we love—and love to hate—these shows has been much debated, but I have a new theory to put forth: What if we’re all just in it for the crush? How intoxicating to see the exact moment a spark starts! It’s why The Bachelor‘s First Impression Rose is treated like a holy relic, and why Love Island is so quick to add new characters to the mix.

Finding love on reality TV has now become so common, in fact, it’s happening on other shows, ones not based on romance. Take Dancing With the Stars and Big Brother. They may be about competition, but they’ve produced their fair share of relationships. I guess this shouldn’t come as a surprise—put any like-minded individuals together long enough, remove them from the rest of society, and something’s going to happen. What is surprising, though, is when these relationships actually last. One could say these couples have truly found love in a hopeless place.

Below, we talked to three women who met their partners through reality TV.

Rachel Lindsay on Being Engaged to Bryan Abasolo. They Met on The Bachelorette.

I was dating someone off-and-on for five years before I auditioned for The Bachelor. I was in my late twenties and genuinely thought he was the man I was going to marry. But we grew apart—both chasing our careers, not focusing on the relationship. I’d tried casually dating in Dallas after things with my ex ended, but that wasn’t really panning out, either. Then, one day, my coworkers came into my office and said: “You should do The Bachelor!” “You’ve got to be kidding,” I said. “Why would I do that show? I don’t even watch it!” But auditions were down the street, so I figured: Why not? Crazier things have happened. I’m cynical, and I didn’t actually think I was going to fall in love, but I was open to the possibility of it, so I went to the audition.

Fast forward a few years and ABC is approaching me to be on The Bachelorette. At first, I actually said no. It didn’t work out for me the first time when I was a contestant on Nick Viall’s season of The Bachelor, so I thought: Why would this time be any different? I truly didn’t believe they would be able to find somebody I’d connect with. What’s more, I knew I would be the first black lead for the franchise, and I didn’t know if I wanted that pressure. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I did want to be the first black lead. I felt I could do it right, and I knew it was bigger than me. If nothing else, I’d be breaking the franchise mold.

But wow, was this time different. Yes, you’re on the same show. Yes, you’re dealing with the same producers, but now you’re in the driver’s seat. I had this group of amazing guys, many of whom I was developing real connections with, and the producers kept telling me, “Have conversations, be open minded,” so I really tried to do that. From the beginning, I knew I connected with Peter and Eric. I also really connected with Matt, which nobody saw—you just saw how emotional I was when I sent him home. Maybe in another time or place it could have worked out with one of the other guys. But somewhere along the way, I fell in love with Bryan.

At the beginning, I was cautious about Bryan. He was a charming guy, and I wondered if there was any sincerity behind the charisma. But moving through the season, I learned what sort of questions to ask to find out. Call it being 32. I just knew how to dig deeper, cut the BS, and get below the surface. With Peter, I felt as though he was still trying to figure himself out. Dean was a lot of fun, but definitely not ready for marriage. With Bryan, I saw that everything I was looking for was there. I actually told his producer, “He’s the one,” which is why, in the end, Bryan got my final rose.

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