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Hi, Emily!

I’m just gonna dive right in. When I was 17 years old, I had never orgasmed, despite having had one or two sexual partners. So I did some research. I read that placing your clit right underneath running water is a way to reach orgasm! So, I tried it. And to this day, it is the only way I can climax.

I have a serious boyfriend now, who I have amazing sex with, but I don’t think I’m orgasming with him. What do I do? Am I doomed to only come in the presence of running water?? Sex with my partner feels amazing, and I truly think I am orgasming in some way, just not as intensely. I just don’t know what will help!

May, age 19

May,

Running water is one of the most common ways women experience their very first orgasm—and a pretty effective one at that. You get brownie points in my book for taking charge of your pleasure and figuring this out.

On the flip side, your body becomes trained to respond to a particular touch, and when you’re only relying on one method to orgasm (running water), you aren’t giving your body much to work with in terms of learning how to reach climax with other types of stimulation.

Masturbation is the best place to start. You need to teach your body how to respond to new stimuli, so experimentation is a must! Plus, when you’re by yourself, there’s less distraction, and you’ll have all the time in the world to figure out what sensations you like. Use your fingers and hands, add a little lube, change up your speed, intensity, and rhythm; explore all parts in and around your vagina.

You can even try out a toy during this learning curve, like the Mystic Wand by Vibratex. It has six different intensities and vibration patterns to play around with, to really experiment with yourself.

Once you’re comfortable on your own, then you can bring that newfound information to your partner. After all, as much as we wish they were, men aren’t mind readers! Show him the different kinds of touch that your body responds to as well as the positions that work best for you. And, most importantly, remember that this is something that is going to take time. It’s like learning how to play a sport: you aren’t going to wake up with Mia Hamm soccer skills after one practice.

So, if at first you don’t succeed in finding different ways to orgasm, try, try again. You have so much time to explore and learn the many beautiful ways in which you can experience pleasure.

XX
Emily

Emily Morse is a doctor of human sexuality and host of the top-rated iTunes podcast Sex With Emily. As an expert, author, and star of television and radio programs, she has inspired millions of listeners and followers to make sex a priority, enhance communication, and strengthen their relationships. To learn more or to subscribe to her podcast, visit sexwithemily.com.