Hello from your friendly Amazon sex toy review lady! You know the one.

After my orgasmed-so-hard-I-saw-God review went viral, I got the job of reviewing sex toys for Glamour. So maybe I really did die and go to heaven. Either way, here I am, ready to review all the sex toys in the land from a busy mom’s point of view.

Next up, the very elegant Ora 2 by Lelo.

“ORA™ 2 is about pleasure—sheer, raw, indulgent pleasure,” the product description reads. Hi. Hello. Hey, baby, u up? Sounds like Ora and I would definitely get along. I couldn’t wait to see if this little baby lived up to the description and rave reviews.

I have to say, the presentation in the package was stunning. I felt glamorous just opening it. The blue with gold trim made it look like a precious sapphire ring. I half expected wine, candles, and a Boyz II Men CD to come with it. The shape of the Ora 2 is so unique that I know if my kids ever found it by accident, they would have zero idea what it’s for. Shoot, most adults wouldn’t even know.

Enclosed was a black satin storage bag and a sample of their water-based lube. I like a date who brings presents.

School is back in session so I finally have the daytime alone. Naturally, as soon as Ora arrived, I decided to take myself on a date with…myself. The romantic, “light the candles and draw yourself a bath” kind of date. If there’s one thing you need to know, it’s that this is not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am type of toy. This vibrator definitely requires dim lights, soothing music, and, as I soon discovered, patience.

The Ora 2 is designed to simulate oral sex with a “newly enhanced pleasure nub [that] rotates and vibrates, like a tongue, but better.” I quickly realized that lube is a must with the Ora 2 because when I placed it on my fairly dry clit, the sensation felt dulled.

At first the rotating nub, while pleasant, did not feel like oral. The setting was too predictable—teenagers-in-the-horror-movie-get-killed predictable, which is cool if you are into that kind of thing. Personally, I like my oral unpredictable.

Luckily there are 10 settings. After playing around a bit, I found one in which the vibrations were quite strong. But what impressed me the most was the variation offered by the Ora 2. A few of the settings were completely random intervals and strengths of vibration, which I found very different from other toys that I have used. The randomness brought a realness to it, similar to not knowing the next move your partner would make. It left me waiting in anticipation for each new sensation, totally different from the last.

If this “oral simulator” had a theme song, it would be D’Angelo’s “Untitled (How Does It Feel)”. With its slow build to a possible orgasm, it’s like sweet, sweet foreplay with a lover.

But unlike many lovers, the Ora 2 took its sweet-ass time, I thought. Technically I did have the whole day to myself, but I didn’t have enough time to spend in bed trying to achieve the big O with a new toy. Every time I was close, a slight variation in the pattern would switch things up. (Again, not unlike a real partner.) It wasn’t for lack of trying! I wanted to pat it on its lil’ blue back and say, “It’s okay, buddy. We’ll get ’em next time.”

I was so close, excruciatingly close, but after an hour I ended up Donald Ducking it (you know, no pants, fanny out) to my closet to whip out my old reliable vibrator to finish the job. Bottom line: Make sure you carve out some time to really experiment with this toy. But if it’s instant O you crave, I found the Ora 2 pairs perfectly with a G-spot stimulator.

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