Every spring, when wedding invitations start dropping through people’s mail slots, we get a flurry of emails from soon-to-be wedding guests asking, “Can you wear white to a wedding?” Popular variations include, “Can you wear an off-white dress a wedding?” and “Can you wear an all-white jumpsuit to a wedding?” Rationales include, “It’s the only thing that fits.” “It’s the only thing I like.” “I’ll add a pop of color with a sweater.” And, “But the bride said it’s OK.”

And still our answer, forever and always, is no. No, you cannot wear white to a wedding. Period.

So we’ll field one last email, and then we’re putting the issue to bed.

Writes a Glamour reader:

“I know that this is against the rules, but you know that feeling when you find that perfect dress and you can’t let go? So I have that problem. I’m going to my boyfriend’s friend’s wedding. (I don’t know the bride.) I found a white, knee-length cocktail dress that I really, really like, and I need advice: Can you wear white to a wedding? I can throw on some fancy shoes and a bag and a necklace. You know, add more color to it. What do you think?”

Here are our thoughts:

No.

Also: Seriously, no.

And we can hear you saying, BUT… so we’re going to answer your BUTs… right now.

BUT… I said I was going to add more color!Unless you’re going to “add more color” by putting another, non-white dress over it, a white dress is off-limits. No.

BUT… It’s the only dress that’s in my price range.

No.

BUT… It’s the only dress that looks good on me.

No.

BUT… What if I ask the bride and she says it’s OK?

Don’t ask the bride. If you do, she might just say yes because she doesn’t want to sound like a bridezilla. But even if she says yes and she’s really, truly OK with it, I promise you someone at her wedding isn’t going to be. And you don’t want to be forever remembered as the random girlfriend-of-a-friend who wore white to the wedding. You just don’t. So again: No.

You can buy another dress, you can borrow another dress, you can rent another dress, you can dye a white dress—you can skip the wedding and stay home and wear your white dress—but you cannot wear a white dress to a wedding.

We don’t care what the silhouette is (“But it doesn’t look like a wedding dress!”) or the color (“But it’s light cream!”). The only exception—the only one—is if the bride and groom specifically request that their guests wear white. In that case, by all means: Yes! Please wear a white dress.

In every other case: No.

And we’re not the only one who thinks so: Anne Chertoff, wedding etiquette expert and chief operating officer of Beaumont Etiquette, says a woman wearing white to a wedding—unless the bride asked, like Pippa Middleton at Kate and Prince William’s wedding in 2011—is disrespectful. “It gives the impression that she’s trying to draw attention to herself and away from the bride,” Chertoff says.

__But, good news:— You CAN wear black to a wedding!

Kim Fusaro is the branded content director (and former weddings editor) at Glamour. Follow her on Instagram at @kimberlyfusaro.

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