Please, Just Let Bert and Ernie Be Gay
The gayest debate of our generation reached a fever pitch yesterday, September 18. No, I’m not talking about Glenn Close vs. Lady Gaga at the Oscars or whether Shangela was robbed during RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars season three. (She was.) I’m talking about Bert and Ernie’s maybe-maybe-not relationship status on Sesame Street.
It seems like everyone has an opinion about Bert and Ernie. After all, this debate has been raging on for decades, with article after article coming out tackling different perspectives. They’re gay! They’re not gay! They’re gay again! In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the first question I asked my mother was, “Are Bert and Ernie gay?” (Show me the receipts, parents.)
The puppets were first billed on Sesame Street as roommates, but their constant bickering (see below), the fact they slept in the same room, and that New Yorker cover from summer 2013 (celebrating gay marriage becoming legal) all implied there was something happening. And people, for the most part, were cool with this. No one seemed that pressed about Bert and Ernie’s relationship.
PHOTO: New Yorker
So when Mark Saltzman, a writer who worked on Bert and Ernie for years, told Queerty this week they’re gay, no one was really surprised. If anything, people were elated the truth was finally confirmed. “I don’t think I’d know how else to write them, but as a loving couple,” Saltzman said. “That’s what I had in my life, a Bert and Ernie relationship. How could it not permeate?”
But whoa, whoa, whoa: Not so fast! Soon after this game-changing moment in gay history happened, Sesame Street reps swooped in with a statement declaring otherwise. “As we have always said, Bert and Ernie are best friends,” representatives for the show said in a tweet. “They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics … they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.” (Um, has anyone on team Sesame Street seen Avenue Q? Puppets definitely have sexual orientations.)
https://twitter.com/SesameWorkshop/status/1042117602678587395
A second message doubled down: “Sesame Street has always stood for inclusion and acceptance. It’s a place where people of all cultures and backgrounds are welcome. Bert and Ernie were created to be best friends, and to teach young children that people can get along with those who are very different from themselves.”
https://twitter.com/SesameWorkshop/status/1042197230583721989
Here’s the thing, though: These are two Very Serious statements for something that isn’t that deep. Why is it so catastrophic if people want to believe Bert and Ernie are gay? What are the straights afraid will happen if they are? That gay people will descend from the sky, cover them with glitter, and make them listen to Carly Rae Jepsen’s music on repeat? (That sounds like heaven, TBH, but different strokes for different folks.) Bert and Ernie’s relationship isn’t messing up your life or your money, so let them live.
This is more ridiculous than the time a guy flipped out on a woman because she suggested his dog was gay. So what if your dog’s gay? Homosexuality isn’t contagious.
That’s really what this is about: Some people, for whatever reason, are still afraid that gayness can somehow “spread.” If Bert and Ernie are gay, it’s only a matter of time before we start implying other beloved cultural icons are gay. But fear not, heterosexuals: Gay people, myself included, want nothing to do with the shit you like. The NFL, Larry the Cable Guy, and, I don’t know, beer (?) will always remain in your Axe Body Spray-scented bubble. Please enjoy! We’ll be over here kicking it with Bert and Ernie.
Christopher Rosa is a staff entertainment writer at Glamour.
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