On this day 10 years ago, we were blessed with the first Sex and the City movie, a two-hour bonanza of fashion and luxury and bad puns that’s 79 percent responsibility for my homosexuality. No joke: I have vivid memories watching this movie at home in the fall of 2008 and thinking, “Yup, I love this. I need to know every single thing about these women and their lives.” And thus my Sex and the City obsession was born, all because of this ridiculous movie.

Emphasis on the word ridiculous. The Sex and the City movie is enjoyable, yes, but it’s also positively bonkers—even by SATC standards, which duped millions of people into thinking a 33-year-old woman could survive in Manhattan writing just one newspaper column a week. That seems totally logical compared to some of the hijinks from the Sex and the City movie, which put a full bird on Carrie’s head for her wedding:

The bird didn’t make our final list of most out-there moments, but here’s what did.

1. Samantha’s hat. It’s an insane article of clothing. Let’s call a spade a spade. It’s almost as if Samantha was preparing for the sun to drop from space and set up camp right on her head. Sex and the City is all about extreme fashion, I know, but this hat is bigger than any hat should be.

2. Carrie’s on-the-street freak-out. I’m talking, of course, about when Carrie starts hitting Mr. Big with her bouquet after he ditches their wedding. Big’s actions suck, obviously, but something tells me Carrie wouldn’t have had this public of a meltdown over it. Instead, she would’ve cussed him out on the phone and then written a tell-all book ripping him to shreds. This was just a straight-up waste of flowers.

3. Samantha’s sushi moment. It’s physically impossible to get all this sushi on your body in these exact positions by yourself. It just is. Unless her dog suddenly sprouted legs and opposable thumbs, then this entire sequence is fishier than, well, sushi.

4. When Carrie throws her phone in the ocean. All because Mr. Big called her. What an extreme response—and a waste of money. Just block him.

5. The fact that Mr. Big proposes with a shoe. A shoe. Listen, I get that it’s Carrie Bradshaw and she loves shoes and blah blah blah—but even the most Manolo Blahnik-obsessed person would expect a ring after their S.O. gets down on one knee. Especially on Sex and the City, a show about blatant and extravagant materialism. Carrie Bradshaw may have toned down her bridal obsessions by the end of the movie, but let’s keep it 100: She didn’t turn into a missionary.

6. Carrie not understanding basic computer and email functions. She’s a writer in the 21st century. She has a MacBook. How Carrie is unable to perform even the most elementary computer skill is laughably absurd. Does she not schedule meetings with her Vogue editor online? Or write freelance inquiries? Or legitimately do anything that a modern writer does? Jennifer Hudson shouldn’t have to set your computer password, girl. Which leads us to…

7. Carrie hiring an assistant. I’m sorry, but for what, exactly? She’s not a high-power magazine editor. She doesn’t have an office. Carrie, a grown-ass woman, didn’t need to hire another grown-ass woman to perform simple human functions for her, like set up furniture deliveries, answer emails, and clean out her closet. She’s a writer who works from home. She could do all these things on her own, no question. Jennifer Hudson deserved better.

8. Steve cheating on Miranda. Talk about a dramatic character development. Steve spent multiple years worshipping Miranda like a loyal, lovesick puppy only to turn around and cheat on her? This was a character assassination that, sure, raised the stakes, but at what cost?

9. That Carrie tried on every single thing in her closet before deciding what to keep and toss. That’s…thousands of articles of clothing. No one has that kind of time—not even these women with their (actual) champagne problems. And the implication they got all this done during a snappy montage set to an Aerosmith song? Try again, Carrie.

10. Annnnd Carrie’s wedding dress photo-shoot. Does this sequence make me cry? Yes. Do I wish I was Carrie modeling that Dior dress with the giant sleeves? Without question. But what, what, WHAT?! Carrie Bradshaw is a writer that fashion people and New Yorkers care about. She’s not a celebrity with enough mass appeal to warrant a giant spread in Vogue magazine. Also, no way was Vogue cool with Carrie bringing her squad of friends to the shoot to just take up space and eat the catered food. Nope. Sorry. Not buying it. I would, however, buy that Vivienne Westwood dress if I had $50,000 lying around.

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