Kim Kardashian has been admirably open about the challenges she’s faced during her pregnancies with 4-year-old daughter North and 23-month-old son Saint. She’s admitted to experiencing preeclampsia and placenta accreta with both kids, but she’s also said that she felt generally “miserable” for the entirety of both pregnancies. Unfortunately, though, it seems Kim has found something even more difficult: surrogacy.

While promoting her new KKW Beauty fragrances this week, the reality star talked to Entertainment Tonight about how tough it’s been to relinquish total control over her third pregnancy. “You know, it is really different,” she said. “Anyone that says or thinks it is just the easy way out is just completely wrong. I think it is so much harder to go through it this way, because you are not really in control. And, you know, obviously you pick someone that you completely trust and that you have a good bond and relationship with, but it is still…knowing that I was able to carry my first two babies and not, you know, my baby now, it’s hard for me. So, it’s definitely a harder experience than I anticipated just in the control area.”

Kim said this revelation came as a total shock. “I hated being pregnant and I never thought I’d ever—I thought this was going to be so easy, but you know, even in how much I hated it, if I could do it myself I would have preferred that,” she shared. “So, that inner struggle is kind of hard, but I am just rolling with it and it is what it is.” After all, surrogacy was the safest way for the KUWTK star and husband Kanye West to have a third child. “I am blessed that I am able to do this, and technology is the way that it is that we can do this,” she said. “But it is still a process that you need to digest.”

She said that, besides the lack of control, surrogacy has also taken away the constant reminders of her family’s upcoming new addition. “Even the fact that it’s happening—and you do forget sometimes—because I think when you are pregnant, by the time you have the baby, you are so prepared and so ready, and now I am just like, ‘Oh my god, I am going to freak out because I’m not ready and I’m not prepared.’ But it’ll just all come into place,” Kardashian West said, adding that she’s also had to remind North and Saint that they’ll be getting a new sibling very soon. “I don’t know if they don’t feel it as much because they don’t see my big belly and probably hear me complaining every two seconds. But we do talk about it a lot, so I think they are really excited,” she said.

Hopefully, last weekend’s OTT “Tea for Three”-themed baby shower has put the reality star and beauty maven into full nesting mode—since, if the rumors are true, baby number three could arrive as soon as next month.

Related: Why Kim Kardashian and Kanye West No Longer Give Each Other Gifts

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