Here's When To Share Relationship Details With Your BBFs
Do you stay with someone who’s totally great…but not so great in bed? Is it smart to disclose your weird hobby on a first date? How prepared should you really be for a booty call? We hit our favorite podcast hosts with these and more of our most personal Q’s. (After all, we listen to their shows for hours on end and already think of them as BFFs. That’s normal, right?!) Everyone from Dan Savage of Savage Lovecast (a wildly entertaining relationship Q&A show) to Georgia Hardstark and Karen Kilgariff of My Favorite Murder (which revels in true crime) got back to us with their best lessons in Glamour’s December 2017 issue—you’ll want to tune in.
But first, online exclusively, Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman, real-life BFFs and hosts of Call Your Girlfriend (a podcast in which they give each other a ring to talk all the things that you’d share with your person) are here with their love advice:
Aminatou (Amina) Sow: Our advice? Tell your close friends about both the good and the bad of your romantic relationships, so you don’t turn your love interest into a monster or a hero.
Ann Friedman: Which isn’t to say you should take out a press release to everyone you’ve ever met. Your extended friend group doesn’t always deserve to be completely in the know, but with best friends it’s important to be close to hundred percent honest.
Don’t turn your love interest into a monster or a hero
Amina: Sharing only half the picture it isn’t healthy for those friendships. If you only vent about your boyfriend, your friends won’t like him, and if you only disclose the good things or always project a sunny outlook, when your relationship is in a tough spot your friends won’t be able to respond appropriately.
Ann: Don’t do that Instagram-fake-life-stuff. I’ve been guilty of selective detail sharing about a relationship, and I think it’s because there was something I didn’t want to admit to myself. If you’re running a shadow PR campaign for your relationship, you probably aren’t being honest with yourself either. Your close friends want the best for you, but if you don’t give them the full picture, they can’t be as good of a friend as they probably want to be.
Amina: Some of not wanting to confront something has to do with shame and avoidance. But you don’t have to deal with those pressures with a best friend—they’re supposed to be the person you’re the most transparent with.
If you’re running a shadow PR campaign for your relationship, you probably aren’t being honest with yourself either.
Ann: We’re not saying it’s easy; it can be pretty hard figuring out what to share with your friends. Personally, I know it’s time to check in with my friends is if I’m writing about a relationship issue a lot in my journal and not talking about it with them.
Amina: I agree with the journal for sure. And if you don’t know how to say something, the phone can provide a safe distance, which might make the conversation easier. In other words: Call your girlfriends.
Ann: Who would’ve thought?
—as told to Alanna Lauren Greco