Serena Williams on the Pressure of Motherhood: 'I’m Not Always Going to Win'
It’s 8:20 A.M., and I’m sitting with Serena Williams in her office in New York’s NoHo neighborhood. The space she shares with a tech company when she’s in town from Florida is empty, except for her glam squad in the other room. “You don’t mind if I eat breakfast while we talk?” she asks. Multi-tasking is par for the course for the 36-year-old tennis superstar—our interview had already been pushed up so she could squeeze in some court time during her jam-packed press tour.
But if anyone has the stamina for such a day, it’s Williams. This morning, she’s meeting with beauty editors to talk about Embrace, a scar-therapy dressing she’s currently promoting. Yesterday, she did a round of press for an upcoming (secret) project. And tomorrow is the premiere for her new HBO documentary, Being Serena, which chronicles her 23rd Grand Slam singles victory, her wedding, the birth of her daughter Olympia, and rebounding from the life-threatening complications during her delivery—which all happened in the space of one year.
As she wrote in an essay for CNN in February, Williams needed an emergency C-section after her daughter’s heart rate dropped. The surgery went well, but the next day, she had intense coughing caused by a pulmonary embolism (something she’d had a history of), that was so severe her C-section incision opened up again. She alerted nurses immediately and was brought back into surgery, where doctors found a large hematoma, or collection of clotting blood, which meant more operating. The ordeal left her bed-ridden for six weeks.
Now, nearly four months since she first came forward to talk about her experience, Williams is making it her personal mission to raise awareness about the startling maternal mortality rates, as well as the importance of advocating for your own health. Glamour caught up with her to talk about her activism, motherhood, and more.
Glamour: What was the most surprising response to your essay about your pregnancy complications?
Serena Williams: I got so much feedback like, “Wow, this happened to me too” and “thank you so much for speaking out about this; now I feel like I can talk about it.” A lot of people have had a less than positive experience [during pregnancy]. It was really, really shocking. It made me want to talk about it more.
Glamour: What have you been doing since to lead that charge?
SW: Well, education I think is the biggest key. I don’t have time to do too much—between a baby, tennis, and fashion, it’s a lot. But whenever there’s an opportunity to speak or write or post about it, I do. We can reach people directly by taking two minutes out of our day to post about something, you know? So for me, it’s all about educating people, and bringing awareness to the problems that we face during pregnancy, especially minority women.
Glamour: On Facebook, you drew attention to a disturbing statistic that black women are three times more likely to die from pregnancy complications than white women. How did you feel when you learned that?
SW: It’s devastating because that’s me. If I wasn’t who I am, it could have been me—and that’s not fair. Class shouldn’t separate health, and it’s so frustrating to know that [it does]. And the reason I use the word class is because I’m able to afford this opportunity to speak up and say, “No, I need help now!” and people will listen to me. But a lot of African-Americans—and people in Africa, India, or Brazil, to name a few—don’t have that opportunity. It’s completely devastating.
Glamour: Why do you think it is that women—and especially women of color—are so often dismissed when trying to raise concerns about their health?
SW: I don’t know that I have the answer to that. I think that people don’t want to listen to us. Or people think women are so strong that they don’t have to speak up about it. Or maybe it’s that men have never been pregnant, and they don’t understand what the body goes through—even though they can be there for the nine months and the time after. My husband [Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian] was there, but he doesn’t quite understand everything that I went through. And maybe that’s the reason why [male doctors] don’t listen to us when we speak. It’s sad.
Glamour: How are you recovering from the complications?
SW: I’m seven months out, which really isn’t a long time, now that I say it. The pain I felt was incredible. You know, [my doctors] cut me once [for the C-section]. They go deep and move your insides around. Then they had to cut me again because I had a hematoma. So I had an awful scar. I was fortunate enough to wear this Embrace adhesive—it’s a clear dressing that helps with scarring. But it’s all worth it. Olympia’s amazing, and I would do it all again, double.
Glamour: Would you have another child?
SW: Oh, yes. I always say, if I wasn’t working now I would be totally pregnant. I would be like, “What was I thinking?” But I would totally be pregnant right now.
Glamour: What’s one thing you wish you would have known about C-sections before you had one?
SW: I didn’t know I wouldn’t be able to walk. I couldn’t get out of bed. Everybody told me [I could lose feeling in my legs], so I was ready for it. But I didn’t know I actually wouldn’t be able to use my muscles to get up and go to the bathroom. My husband literally had to carry me. It was crazy. I went from being this world-class athlete to not being able to roll out of bed or move up and down. To be physically knocked down that hard was pretty rough. Thankfully, the hospital had those high toilets. It was like, well, I can’t bend down, so how am I going to sit down? I really didn’t expect that.
Glamour: What would you say is the most challenging part of being a new mom?
SW: The frustration, and a lot of people don’t talk about it. When the baby starts crying and you don’t know what to do, you get frustrated. I’ve read many articles that say to take deep breaths, and just walk away, then come back. Or to have someone else come help if you can. Because you get frustrated, and you start crying, and you can’t help it. You’re going through stuff emotionally.
That frustration level is really, really intense. Especially for me as a perfectionist, who’s always in control of everything—how I work, my decisions. When there’s nothing I can do to make it right, it’s challenging. I still deal with that sometimes. For example, she was crying the other day, and I was a mess. But, you know, it’s a day at a time.
Glamour: Why were you a mess?
SW: Because she doesn’t cry unless something is wrong, and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I would be around her and hold her, and she was fine. But when I walked away, she’d start crying. We couldn’t figure it out, and she literally didn’t sleep all day. It was hard for me to see her in pain. That makes me be in pain.
Glamour: What do you do when you’re feeling frustrated in those moments?
SW: Well, now it’s different. She’s older and I have more experience, so the frustration isn’t really as hard now; it’s more the pressure. I feel like I’m against a clock, and that could just be my thing because I’m an athlete. When I’m on the court and losing, I have to find a way to turn the match around. I’ve done it a million times. So now [with motherhood], I’m trying to find a way to win, so to speak. That is what my challenge is. And sometimes I have to accept that she’s going to have bad days, and I’m not always going to win, but it’s long-term. It’s different for me. I’m making my way there, and I’m learning.
Glamour: I think a lot of moms feel that pressure to be “perfect.”
SW: Yeah, you don’t have to be. But no matter what I’ve heard, and no matter how many times people have told me, “You don’t have to be perfect,” and I say, “I know that,” every time [I still feel I] have to be perfect. It’s just what us moms do, which makes me respect moms so much. My mom, and all the women out there who have done it before, I’m just like, “Wow, you guys are amazing.”
Glamour: What hopes do you have about raising a daughter in the #MeToo era?
SW: I hope that she becomes strong enough and knows enough to speak up—or at least tell me, or her dad, or her grandmother, and her aunt if anything is going wrong—and not be afraid. We have all these amazing women speaking out, and I feel like the examples these women are providing will give her the knowledge to know “this isn’t okay; that’s not normal if I’m treated this way,” and to speak out on it. That way it doesn’t affect the girl behind her or next to her.
Glamour: Do you have any worries about if she becomes an athlete, especially considering all the #MeToo stories coming out in the sporting world?
SW: I’d be concerned about who I put her with. I would have to be there a lot. But then again, it doesn’t matter if you’re there or not. Parents were there [when Larry Nassar abused gymnasts]. Parents even spoke out. So the only thing I hope is that what’s happening with this movement continues. It’s going to take a long time to create change, and hopefully people will listen. Hopefully this will help people start to listen more.
This interview has been edited for clarity and condensed.