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Hi Emily—

I’m a 27-year-old female and I’ve basically been single my entire adult life. I’ve had relationships, but nothing longer than a few months. I’ve wanted to be in a relationship for as long as I can remember, but I also try to put it out of my mind so I don’t obsess about it. I’ve met a few guys at work or on a dating app, but it seems that they just want to text every day and not actually meet up.

So I want to know: How can I meet a good guy? And if I am talking to a guy via text, how can I make a date happen?

—Lyndsey

Lyndsey,

Trust me when I say you are not alone in this dating app era, and there’s nothing about you specifically that is keeping these guys from jumping off the let’s-just-text train. With that in mind, here are a few ways you can take the next step forward with an actual date!

1. ‘Til Text Do Us Part:
Set a time limit for yourself. Give yourself X amount of days to text someone, and if there’s no meetup in sight, move on. This gives you a clear-cut guide if you feel you’ve been texting someone too long, and it also makes it easy to cut (texting) ties when the time comes.

2. Let’s Not Text And Say We Did:
Do your best not to feed into the texting fury by setting clear boundaries for yourself. Once you’ve texted enough to establish that you’d actually like to meet this person, don’t text back and forth enough to carry on a full conversation. If you get that familiar feeling that texting isn’t leading towards a plan, ask to set a date. If that doesn’t work, stop replying.

3. Control the message:
You can take control of the situation by letting him know that you look forward to meeting in person rather than texting. This helps to eliminate endless texts and clearly establishes your intention for a date.

None of these tips will make you look desperate, and they’ll help keep the texting to a minimum. In fact, there’s a chance that these guys get caught in the same cycle as you—swipe left, text, repeat—and don’t know how to get back into the real world.

By setting boundaries ahead of time and being direct about what you want, you’ll be on your way to swiping toward your next date, IRL.

xx,

Emily

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