Not even George Clooney would look cool doing these things. Although we’d love to see him try. Inspired by this reddit thread, here are 41 things that no human can do without looking like a total goober. (Sidenote: no one looks cool saying or even typing the word “goober”).
1. Trying to locate a straw in your drink with your mouth after it goes AWOL.
2. Running with a backpack on (unless you’re Katniss Everdeen).
3. Riding on a Segway.
4. Chasing a piece of paper that is being blown away by the wind.
5. Standing in the airport X-ray machine in that spread eagle, arms-up pose.
6. Taking a bite of food that is so hot you have to spit it back out.
7. Getting in and out of the backseat of a two-door car.
8. Having a coughing fit after water has gone down the wrong pipe.
9. Holding back a sneeze.
10. Trying to sing a song you don’t know the lyrics to.
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11. Yawning.
12. Eating something very sour.
13. Taking photos and videos with an iPad.
14. Throwing anything using your non-dominant hand.
15. Picking up dog poop and/or waiting around while your dog poops during a walk.
16. Taking your contacts out of your eyes or putting them in.
17. Walking through a spider web.
18. Taking your retainer out.
19. Trying to swat at a bug as it flies around you.
20. Shaking the vending machine when your snack doesn’t drop.
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21. Twerking.
22. Stumbling on a piece of uneven concrete.
23. Talking on a Bluetooth, no matter how cool you think you look.
24. Wearing a lobster bib. Also, eating lobster.
25. Taking a selfie.
26. Putting on spanx or really tight pants.
27. Having a dog hump your leg.
28. When two people almost run into each other, so they both step the same way trying to avoid each other, thus running into each other again. Repeat.
29. Eating spaghetti.
30. Chasing after a ping pong ball. Damn you, beer pong.
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31. Slipping on ice.
32. Running away from a bee.
33. Tripping on the escalator.
34. Getting out of a restaurant booth.
35. Running in flip flops.
36. Realizing there is no toilet paper after you’ve already sat down, so you have to do the pants-around-the-ankles scuttle move to get more TP from the closet, drawer, etc.
37. Blowing your nose.
38. Walking downhill.
39. Waiting outside a single-person bathroom.
40. Carrying a Cotsco-sized toilet paper pack, and nothing else.
41. Having an orgasm. A real one. Those porn orgasms aren’t real.
If you think you look cool doing any of these things, please record yourself doing said thing and send to us so we can evaluate.
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