Need some advice? Aubrey Plaza is here to help—sort of.

To celebrate her July Cosmopolitan cover, the 34-year-old actress is taking questions from some of the magazine’s readers. But instead of offering fans typical, “boring” advice, the Parks and Recreation alumna is providing tips on how to be petty.

Of course, Plaza’s suggestions are all tongue-in-cheek and should not be taken seriously. For instance, when a reader asks the April Ludgate character how she can stop her sister from stealing her clothes, the actress suggests getting uglier outfits.

“I guess I would say that your outfits sound like they must be really good. So, you should probably get some ugly ass clothes,” she quips. “Clean your closet out, and put only disgusting things in there. If she still wears them, then that’s her problem.”

Similarly, when another reader asks the TV star how she should deal with a co-worker who hasn’t reimbursed her for a dinner bill, Plaza replies, “I would say try something illegal. Rob a bank. Get arrested. Money doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.”

Just in case there’s any confusion as to whether Plaza is kidding, Cosmopolitan even includes a “please do not do this” disclaimer in the video.

Plaza also shares some legitimate advice she received from her former co-star Chris Pratt in the magazine’s new issue.

“Chris Pratt used to tell me when he would give me advice: ‘The separation is in the preparation,'” she says with a laugh. “He’s one of those people who’s always very prepared. I was kind of the opposite. Clearly, it worked out for him.”

In all seriousness, Plaza clearly knows what she’s doing when it comes to her career. In addition to acting in Parks and Recreation, she’s set to star in the new horror film Child’s Play and has even worked behind the camera, including producing The Little Hours. 

“I’m entering a space right now where it’s like I’m so used to relying on this patriarchal idea of waiting around for someone to say, ‘You’—some brilliant man. I still have that voice inside my head that wants that,” she tells the magazine. “But it’s like, I’m 34. I can do it myself. All the people who are my heroes created their own things. I’m ready to do that. I’m sick of doing other people’s shit. I want to do my own s–t.”

But would she ever consider reprising her role as the unimpressed intern? It seems unlikely. During the interview, the actress also reflects on what it was like to reunite with her former co-stars earlier this year.

“It was kind of freaky,” she says. “Like, it was really fun and we all love each other so much, but it’s just that feeling that you can never re-create something that was so perfect. So it always feels like a little bit of a letdown or something. It was a very dreamlike experience. We were all kind of touching each other and looking at each other, but it was all so far gone from that thing.”

To read her full interview, check out the July issue of Cosmopolitan.