Glamour Women of the Year Summit 2019: All the Best Moments

“I’ve always had something inside me, something like an alarm that goes off when something isn’t right or when someone is trying to pull a fast one on me,” she told the crowd. “I’ve been like this my whole life; people even called me Bossy Stassi growing up. It’s been my experience that women who go after and get what they want are often criticized. I would know. After the first season of Vanderpump Rules aired in 2013, I was called a villain, a bitch, an asshole.”

But then, she said, there was a noticeable shift. “People went from hating me to loving me for the very same reasons,” she explained. “In season one, people hated the way I spoke. Now I’m praised for my conviction. In season one, people said I was mean and entitled. Now I’m praised for being unapologetically honest. In season one, I had a ‘bad attitude.’ Now everyone ‘relates’ to me, because we’re all just moody.”

She continued, “Looking back, there really aren’t many times when I wish I had been less of an asshole. There are only times I wish I would’ve spoken up more—especially with my ex-boyfriend(s). I’ve reached a point in my life where, for my own sanity, I gotta do me. If I don’t speak my mind, my personal life suffers; I feel exhausted, walked all over, and annoyed all the time. It’s my opinion that being an “asshole” is basically listening to what your wants and needs are. To get what you want out of life, whether it’s stepping away from a business deal that brings you no joy or skipping a friend’s birthday party because you really just can’t that night, you have to say, ‘This is what I expect out of people, my bosses, my family, my friends, and my relationships.'”

This backfires all the time, she added. But she has to stay true to herself. “Now I don’t want anyone to hear this and think, I’m going to go be a total bitch now. That’s not it,” she explained. “That’s not what I’m saying. Girls come up to me all the time trying to bond with me by talking shit. I hate that. I don’t think of myself that way. I’m saying that the qualities some people might characterize as “bitchy” are the same qualities that you might need to forge your own path. I am who I am. I know what I want. I know what bothers me and what doesn’t. What I’ll stand for and what I won’t. And if that makes me an ‘asshole,’ I’m cool with that.”

Read Stassi’s full, unfiltered speech here.

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