The season two premiere of Big Little Lies had everything, including Meryl Streep. If you don’t have HBO or couldn’t watch tonight’s episode, here’s a quick, spoiler-free recap: The five Monterrey moms—Madeline (Reese Witherspoon), Celeste (Nicole Kidman), Renata (Laura Dern), Jane (Shailene Woodley), and Bonnie (Zoë Kravitz)—are all coping with the guilt of covering up Perry’s death, and they’re doing it in different ways. Renata’s staging photoshoots in ’80s power suits. Celeste is still seeing that slightly-judgmental therapist. Bonnie’s skulking around with her sunglasses on at all times. But their plans to keep what happened a secret are foiled by Perry’s mother, Mary Louise (Streep), who comes into town looking for answers. And my guess is she’ll find them.
That’s partially because she has one of the sharpest tongues of the bunch—which is saying something, seeing as how a big pull for Big Little Lies season one was the delicious one-liners and insults. Don’t worry, those don’t go anywhere in season two. In fact, I’d venture to say HBO has upped the amount of digs these characters give each other. I counted 18 savage lines in total. Eighteen! Just from one episode. What can I say? These Monterrey moms are great at being mean (and also…pretending like they didn’t kill anyone).
Below, check out all the one-liners from the season premiere that had me howling.
“I like to think of it as more of an assembly. A service is for when someone dies, like a school fundraiser.” —Principal Warren to Madeline
“I’ll take one [cupcake] for each thigh! I don’t even like to chew. I just shove ’em down. Maybe you can give one here to Warren so he can shove it too.” — Madeline giving it right back to Principal Warren
“My Amabella was bullied last year. I mean in, like, biting and choking. So we’re gonna make sure that doesn’t happen again!” — Renata to the new teacher, Michael
“Unplugged is one thing but unhinged is a total other thing.” — Madeline talking about Bonnie
“Did you see Renata getting up that new teacher’s ass? I thought she was gonna have to pull out her snorkel.” — Madeline talking about Renata
“I can’t complain. Actually, I can. My son is dead.” — Perry’s mother, Mary Louise
“You’re very short. I don’t mean it in a negative way. Maybe I do. I find little people to be untrustworthy.” — Mary Louise to Madeline